If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
