I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
