he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
