it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
