I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
