wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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