Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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