when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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