...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
