My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
