using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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