Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
