Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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