Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just want nice things and good sex
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
