I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
