I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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