True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
