there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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