Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
