dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize