Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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