dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
