U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There r osticjed everywhere
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
