Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He kissed a someone with a penis
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
