Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize