woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
