I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
