woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
