just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
