he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
