Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
