Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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