At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
