the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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