woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
