you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
