Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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