I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
