she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
