New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
