they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
