taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
