So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
