You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
