He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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