oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
