PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
