Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
