ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
