I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
