I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize