video games are the ultimate cock blocker
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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