I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
