its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
