Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
