took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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