just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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