i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
