Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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