god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need a beard to bite.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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