I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
