if you like me you must not know who I am
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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