Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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