Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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