if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
