Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
