I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
