happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
