If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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