we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
