She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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