We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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