we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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