I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
