About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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