11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
