I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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