My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
