I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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