Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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