I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
