apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
