I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
