Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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