Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize