the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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