New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
