you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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