OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
