There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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