i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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