Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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