just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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