Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
