So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
