Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
