wat bout pragnant strippers??
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
