Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
