I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
