I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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