i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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