paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
