Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
