I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
