You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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