it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
